How to talk to children about COVID19

A couple of weeks ago I spoke to my sons kinder teacher to let  her know that we would be keeping him home from kinder for a while. The virus had only just started to take its hold here in Australia. At that time my son’s kinder teacher expressed to me how overwhelmed and uncertain she and her colleagues felt at having to talk to the kids about the virus. Over the subsequent weeks COVID19 has become the centre of my personal and professional life. I work predominantly with children and families and each week I hear of new challenges each family is experiencing. What is reoccurring is the need for families to talk with their children about the ever changing restrictions and threat from COVID19. I've spent the last few weeks being inundated with information and resources about COVID19, wellbeing and mental health. It's been completely overwhelming! The families I work with have felt similarly overwhelmed and uncertain about how best to support their kids. So below I have listed the most common questions families have asked me over the last few weeks. I have also included some (but not too many) resources at the end.

1. What should I tell my kids?

This really depends on your child's age. Here are some rules of thumb

 - Be honest:

 The first rule of thumb is to be honest. Use simple language and tell children the truth. Let them know that there is a  very bad virus/germ out there and it's making a lot of people sick. I've attached a simple story book that outlines  how you can explain the virus to children. 

 - Let children know what to expect:

 Basically children are egocentric and what they really want and need is information about how this impacts them. Let  them know what changes to expect (who will be home, who won't you be seeing etc). This also gives them a sense  of control and predictability. For older children (primary school aged) a semi-structured activities board can be  helpful to give children get a sense of the routine and pacing of their day.

 - Let kids feel bad

 There is no need to sugar coat it. Kids appreciate honesty and if something sucks for them (like not getting to see  their friends anymore), acknowledge that loss. As adults we appreciate the friend who sympathises with us far more  than the friend who problem solves for us. Acknowledging that its sad, boring, annoying etc will help your kids  understand and process their feelings. You can also reflect that you're feeling sad about not seeing your friends etc.  Once the feelings are acknowledged, then you can move onto how you're coping with that feeling (ie, "I'm really  missing seeing aunty beth too, but I really like talking to her on the phone, perhaps she could read your stories  tonight on the video call"). 

2. My child is talking about COVID in their play, is this bad?

No. Its actually great. Children process their world via play and imagination. If your child starts incorporating lockdown, germs etc into their play its important that you don't shut it down. It can be tempting to try and move our children onto something more palatable, but this says more about our own anxiety than theirs. This morning my son Will and I played germ hunters, a game of his own creation where he and his 18 month old sister were knights who had to stop germs from entering the kingdom. If your child similarly brings up COVID19 related play simply follow their lead. They will play with the ideas for as long as they need too.

3. Changes in behaviours

I don't know about you, but I'm stressed. I've also found my behaviours have changed. My pantry now has a ready supply of chocolate available to my husband and myself, I'm feeling more tired and can become tearful quite quickly. Our little people are the same. Here are some things you might be seeing:

 - Lower frustration tolerance (ie more tantrums)

 - Poor sleep, including bad dreams

 - Hyperactive behaviours

 - Behaviours that fit an earlier age (including going backwards in toilet training)

 - increased clinginess

 - tummy aches, headaches 

 - whining

Should you panic? In short, no. Your child is having a perfectly normal reaction to a completely abnormal situation. Everything around them has changed. Plus, their barometer for safety and security (aka you guys) are feeling stressed out. Their little bodies are coping as best they can. Now is not the time to double down on that toilet training routine, or worry about how your normally calm child has become a little tyrant. Its ok to lean into nurturance. Meet distress (even the more annoying behaviours) with nurturance and you'll help your child feel calm and contained.

4. I'm using more screen time, is this bad?

No. This is quite literally an unprecedented event. You will not damage your child irrevocably by letting them watch more screen time. Of course exercise, getting outside and other things are better. But a bit more screen time each day won't break the bank. A calm and contained parent who feels able to cope will be of more benefit to them than anything else. So if you need to use a screen to get a work call done, wash the dishes, or just take a breath, go for it.

5. They're asking about death, what do I do?

This is a confronting question for any parent. Again age appropriate but honest information is best. Acknowledge that some people have died. Inform them that children rarely get very sick from the germs and that you are also not in the high risk group. Harm to themselves and their parents will be their main concern. Include information on how children can help to control and manage the germs in any conversation about death. Talking again about how us staying home/hand washing/covering our mouths is helping slow down the germs so the doctors can fix people will help to give your child a sense of control.

6. A note about parents wellbeing

An ongoing frustration I have with the parenting dialogue is this sense that we have to be zen parents who are perfectly able to manage every emotional and behavioural speed bump our children throw up. This is unfair not to mention unrealistic. As parents we are struggling too. Our work life has likely changed, our social life has narrowed, and we're afraid for loved ones here and overseas. Our resources are low. So if you find yourself snapping more, shouting more or just generally feeling less able to cope with the kids, it's ok. You're being a normal functioning human. Give yourself a break. Break some rules if you need to. Let the kids climb into bed (if it helps), have toast for dinner, choose a walk over phonics practice. Whatever you need to do to fill your cup. By filling your cup, you're also filling your child's cup.

Resourcecs: 

For parents:

How to talk to your child about COVID

https://theconversation.com/coronavirus-qandas-answers-to-7-questions-your-kids-may-have-about-the-pandemic-133576

What behaviours to expect in children by age

https://lookaside.fbsbx.com/file/outbreak_factsheet_1.pdf?token=AWyab55GldKovaBW_ABUC_I_AymdNNybVnikwHVGmrMfNvat7ANPjjree8DXrhzU2TvO_c8rwPsEq0NPN4Jz9xTGAPy0hhCHGv4o4fb6wdjaBSMf6VWkazU5CenshJnXIYdWtdYCceTm-nUV3vb_-DWi-da2rLHdDkB7J3GHw_sjQg

For children:

COVID story book

https://www.adelaidenow.com.au/coronavirus/coronavirus-sa-health-produces-childrens-book-hi-this-is-coronavirus/news-story/c78eee100022bcbe84eeb9328e48af04